The Continuing Story of Ever Upward: Childfull Living After Infertility

EUCoverJustine Froelker is the author of Ever Upward, a memoir of her journey through infertility and the decision she and her husband made to live as a childfull couple. Justine created this word to mean a life that’s full of opportunities to be around children, to love them, and be a part of their lives while not being parents themselves. The book chronicles a heartbreaking, emotional, and beautifully-told journey of how they arrived at their decision and how they’ve embraced it.

I am so inspired by Justine’s transparency as she continues to share about her life and gives voice to this choice that sometimes invites criticism and sparks controversy. (For the record, I’m supportive of couples finding the resolution to their infertility that’s right for them, whether that be pregnancy through fertility treatments, surrogacy, adoption, childfull living, or any other option.)

March third marks the one year anniversary of Ever Upward’s publication. I decided to ask Justine to share about the experiences she’s had in the months since its release.

Tegan: As more people have read Ever Upward, what kind of response have you gotten?
Justine: There is nothing quite like getting an email, tweet, Facebook message or review on your book, especially a book as personal as Ever Upward. A bit of of my feedback has been on editing, which I am grateful and completely realize myself. Ever Upward is my first book, without a huge publisher and one that I honestly needed to be in people’s hands, and so I was inexperienced and limited with my editing. One day, when the 2nd edition is picked up for Ever Upward, I promise this will be fixed. I am also confident that my second book will be edited to my critics liking. The biggest response to Ever Upward has been a simple thank you and people sharing pieces of their story with me. Infertility or not, successful treatments or not, our stories are much more alike than different. Most people write me and say that they found their voice in my words, the things they have not been able to say out loud, yet, were found in my story. Every message reminds me to keep fighting to get Ever Upward in more hands, because it is changing lives for the better. It is continuing to change mine too.

Tegan: Have you received any feedback or reactions to your book that have surprised you? If so, tell us about them.
Justine: The biggest surprise has been in what a home Ever Upward has found among mothers. I wrote a blog post about it a while back, because it is incredible to me that Ever Upward has been accepted and loved so much by a club that I will never technically fit into. The journey of infertility leaves lifelong scars, whether or not you end up a mother in the traditional definition of the word. Ever Upward gives us all permission to own our stories, all of our stories.

Tegan: What opportunities have you had to share your story and talk about childfull living since your book was published?
Justine: I am continuing work on building the platform, the part of being published that is so foreign and difficult for me, and frustrating! I have found that my story does not go viral and in many ways I feel completely invisible. I am the advocate who’s story did not end up how we all want it to, happy with 2.5 kids. This is difficult for a lot of people. I am also sharing messages that are healthier and as of right now not the norm in the infertility world. However, I have written for The Huffington Post many times, which I am so grateful for. I have also written for mindbodygreen, The Good Mother Project and Still Mothers. My story has also been featured in CNN.com and I was quoted in Redbook Magazine, both of which felt so huge for the healthier messages in infertility advocacy!

Tegan: What projects related to infertility/miscarriage/childfull living do you have in the works?
Justine: I am part of the documentary Don’t Talk About the Baby and I am continuing to write at my blog www.everupward.org. I have stepped back a bit in pushing the platform to concentrate on finishing the follow up book to Ever Upward. I am actively involved in social media by sharing my own writing, other pieces and helping people to define their own happy ending and especially work on the self-care.

Justine FroelkerJustine Froelker lives in St. Louis with her husband Chad. They have two dogs, and have lovingly restored an older home. She’s a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator (based on the research of Brené Brown). Justine runs a private practice in St. Louis. SHe has worked with clients dealing with issues such as infertility, anxiety, depression, addictions, and eating disorders. In addition, Justine writes for St. Louis Health & Wellness Magazine.

Cover reveal: Blackbird Summer by Em Shotwell

One of the best aspects of Twitter is its ability to help writers connect. And I’m so grateful the little blue bird helped me connect with the author of Blackbird Summer, Em Shotwell. I simply can’t wait to read her book, which arrives April 5 from Owl City Press! And I’m thrilled to be participating in her cover reveal today! After you enjoy the coolness of her cover (I mean, it’s so, so cool!), add her book to your to-be-read list on Goodreads. Check out the synopsis for her book; it promises elements of magical realism and romance with Southern Gothic undertones.

Blackbird Digital MEDIUMSynopsis:

When people hate the unknown, being Gifted is a curse.

In the cornerstone of the rural south, Brooklyn, Mississippi, no one dares make eye contact with the strange Caibre family. Until the rewards are worth the cost. The townsfolk come, cash in hand, always at night, to pay for services only a Gifted can provide.

No matter the Gifts prevalent in her family, at twenty-one, Tallulah is expected to follow the path laid out for her: marriage, babies, and helping her mama teach the family home school program. She’s resigned to live the quiet life and stay out of trouble…until she meets Logan.

An outsider and all around rebel, Logan doesn’t care about her family’s reputation. Yet after a tragic loss wreaks havoc on the crumbling relationship between the Caibres and the townsfolk, Tallulah must decide if love and freedom are worth risking everything.


 

I asked Em what emotions she wants her cover to evoke and why. Here’s her response:

First, I have to say that my cover designer is amazing! I originally had a different idea for the cover, but once she showed me the mock-up ideas for her vision, I was hooked!

For me, the girl sitting under the tree, looking at something that we, the readers, can’t see, gives me the heebie-jeebies. That same feeling that we all get when we are home alone and hear a strange noise. When your brain says you are over reacting—but your heart speeds anyway.

Blackbird Summer is a tale of first love and friendship and sisterhood. But it is also about loss and heartache and what it means to be different in a place that views different as wrong. I feel that the cover does a wonderful job encompassing all of these things, and I hope readers do as well!

Em ShotwellEm Shotwell lives in South Louisiana with a husband who spoils her and two mini-superheroes who call her mom. Em thinks the most interesting characters are the ones who live on the sidelines, and that small towns often hide the biggest secrets. She is inspired by tall tales and local legends. When she’s not writing about misfits and oddballs, Em enjoys being outdoors hiking, and debating Doctor Who facts with her obsessed ten-year-old son.

From Chips and Salsa to Downton: What I Like/Love This Week

Happy 2016, friends! Hope the new year is off to a fantastic start for you. One of my resolutions is to do a regular blog post highlighting the things I like/love each week. Feel free to share with me in the comments what made this week special for you–I’d love to hear about a newly-discovered movie or TV show, a recipe, a book, or anything else you want to share.

  1. Unexpected kindness. The kids and I went to pick up a to-go order of chips and salsa from our favorite local Mexican restaurant. A man I don’t know was also waiting in the lobby. In one quick movement, he tossed some cash on the counter and said he wanted to pay for our order! It was completely unexpected and kind. We thanked him as he hurriedly left, perhaps a little overwhelmed by the effusive appreciation of three small children dressed as storm troopers. LOVE!
  2. Crack cake. crack cakeI’d never heard of crack cake, but when I saw the rather simple recipe, I was intrigued enough to add it to my Pinterest food board. Then, I made the thing. Oh. My. Goodness. It was incredible. Not a crumb was left over. I highly recommend this cinnamon-y bundt cake. This recipe also enabled me to remove the cake from the bundt pan gorgeous and intact–a first for me! Incidentally, the recipe calls for white wine and I didn’t have any on hand, so I used what I had: pineapple juice. It was a perfect substitute. LOVE!
  3. The final season of Downton Abbey (no spoilers here).pipe and smoke it I admit it. Hubs and I watched the last season and Christmas special along with the Brits. It was a beautifully written and flawlessly acted set of episodes that brought the perfect ending to a program that’s become one of my all-time favorites. Aside from the absolute perfection that was the Christmas special, I enjoyed several key scenes involving Tom Branson. He’s tops in my book, primarily because we got to see a slow build as he changed over the course of the series. He embraced his place in the family, but maintained the spark that endeared him to Cybil and many viewers. Of course, the Dowager Countess was in fine form, as always. LOVE!
  4. Better Call Saul. With Downton done, I have a huge hole in the part of my heart where fictional characters reside. I’m looking for the next binge-worthy show. While I’m not sure I’ve found the next “it” show, I started watching Better Call Saul recently and really enjoyed it. This is a spin-off of Breaking Bad, a series that never resonated with me. After a couple of episodes, I just couldn’t get into it. So, I’m watching BCS with none of the baggage or context of Breaking Bad. Still, it’s well written and very well acted. I’m looking forward to getting a bit deeper into this series. LIKE!
  5. SNL’s Mom Translator sketch. Over the holidays, my sister-in-law and I really needed the help of the Mom Translator, a fake product featured in a “commercial” during Saturday Night Live. For some reason, she and I couldn’t accurately recall the name Kylo Ren, even though we’d both seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens. We each had variations that were weird and hilarious. Help, Mom Translator! LIKE!

Now it’s your turn! What do you like/love this week?

Crack cake image via It’s the Little Things Blog

Downton gif via Giphy

Top image via Flickr by jeffreyw

The Mommy Box: Coping with the Child Who Isn’t There

kid bookMy youngest son is four years old. He recently discovered a book of children’s poems by Robert Louis Stevenson, a collection I adored when I was a kid. One line in particular gets me every time we read the book’s opening poem: “…it is but a child of air, that lingers in the garden there.” I know all too well what it is to love “a child of air.”

Infertility grief is difficult to handle on a regular day, so it’s no surprise that special occasions and holidays really increase the emotional intensity. What’s especially challenging for couples dealing with infertility is that they’re grieving for a child who has never existed. Unlike grief after a loved one’s death, there are no happy memories, photos of smiling faces, or videos of birthdays. There’s never even been a birthday, a smile, or a single memory for the child who isn’t there, the child who never has been.

Mommy boxOne of the most effective tools I created to deal with this grief was a mommy box. On small sheets of paper, I wrote down brief descriptions of things I wanted to do to make a memory with my child after he or she was in my arms (whether through birth or adoption) and stored them in a box a very talented friend had painted and given to me years earlier. My mommy box was an especially therapeutic tool around the holiday season when so much of the public Christmas displays, both sacred and secular, are geared toward children.

I remember arriving home after a Christmas church service one year when we were trying to conceive and almost running to the closet where I kept my mommy box. I had two or three things I just had to write down. For me, writing about something I wanted to do with my future child was a way to feel productive while we waited and to give my longing a tangible outlet. Every time I added a note to the mommy box, I felt relief and peace. It was important to me to write down the date so that someday, my child would see that I imagined the things we’d do together throughout the year.

mommy box notesSometimes instead of writing down the activities I wanted to do, I opened the box and read all the ones I’d already written. The slips of paper were little pieces of hope. I cried over them, held them, and prayed over them. They were, and still are, very important to me.

I’m happy to say that after we became parents through adoption, we did fulfill almost every hope and wish I’d jotted down in my memory box. And of course, those shared moments were just the beginning. My heart is now full of beautiful, happy memories of the things I’ve gotten to do with my children. I recently sat down with my oldest child and read through some of the pieces of paper in my mommy box. He was delighted to know all the hopes and dreams I had for him, for us.

Have you done anything similar to my mommy box to help you process your grief? I’d love for you to share about it in the comments because your technique may be just the thing that helps someone else cope.

Top image via Flickr by arctia

9 Gift Ideas for Couples Facing Infertility or Waiting to Adopt

tagDecember is a challenging month for couples struggling with infertility. There’s tremendous pressure to put on a happy face, accept every party invitation, and spread holiday cheer. At the same time, the couple may be struggling with facing one more holiday season and the end of one more year without realizing their dream of having a child/becoming parents. The Decembers when we were hoping for a pregnancy and then, when we were waiting to be matched to our first child by our adoption agency, were quietly painful for us. So, if you know someone who is waiting to become parents through conception, surrogacy, or adoption, here are nine gift ideas for these couples.

  1. Massage gift certificates. When you’re waiting to become a parent (regardless of the route you’re taking), the wait is stressful. I carried the stress in my shoulders and neck. Whenever I had the chance to get a massage, I did it because the massage helped me reset and refresh mentally and physically. This is a great gift for men and women experiencing infertility.
  2. Passes to a grown-up venue or activity. When you’re struggling to conceive, sometimes you just want to go someplace where you won’t be bombarded by hoards of adorable children and harried parents. So, give them passes to an art or history museum, a comedy club, or a tasting at a local winery.
  3. Cash. Whether the couple is financing fertility treatments, surrogacy, or an adoption, chances are good that cold hard cash would be a welcome gift to help them on their journey to parenthood.
  4. Lessons. This is an especially great gift when you know the couple well. Art classes, guitar lessons, and time with a sky diving instructor give the couple the chance to develop a new hobby or embark on a new adventure. This is a great gift because it helps them focus on a new and exciting activity.
  5. Restaurant gift certificates. If the couple’s gearing up for expensive procedures or a foreign adoption, they may be avoiding expensive meals in restaurants. That’s one reason this can be a really meaningful gift.
  6. A book. For the person experiencing infertility, a good book can be a fantastic gift. Choose a non-fiction book on a topic they enjoy or consider a novel such as INCONCEIVABLE! that reflects the various facets of infertility: the craziness, heartbreak, and hope of re-imaging your dream of having children. As someone recently told me about my novel: it’s one thing to hear people say, ‘You’re not alone.’ It’s another thing to read a story about a couple who’s experiencing the same things you are.
  7. A journal and pen set. There are so many emotions, thoughts, and hopes to process when you’re struggling to conceive and writing is a great way to do it. Receiving a journal and pen set as a gift may be just the encouragement your friend or family member needs to start getting words on paper.
  8. A romantic getaway. One of the most challenging aspects of infertility is dealing with its impact on the romantic aspects of your relationship. Giving a gift certificate for one or two nights at a nearby bed and breakfast can be a beautiful way to help your loved ones refresh their relationship.
  9. Food-a-month club. Send fruit, Chicago delicacies, or other treats to your loved ones through the mail. Let’s face it. There are days when you’ve had another negative pregnancy test or you’ve found out about another delay in your adoption. Frankly, you just don’t want to leave the house. This is one of those gifts that can be a wonderful comfort to a couple going through infertility.

What gifts do you recommend for a couple going through infertility? What gifts should people avoid giving?

Top image via Flickr by mac9416

Merry Christmas image via Flickr by Calsidyrose

Dear Infertility…

During the years we were trying to conceive, this is the letter I would’ve written to my infertility:

Dear Infertility,
I’m glad to have the chance to speak directly to you after all this time. We’ve lived together in this body for years, and I think it’s time to call a house meeting and iron out a few things.

First, I wish you’d stop tweaking the thermostat. One minute I’m hot with anger and tears. Then, twenty minutes later, I’m wrapping my arms around my chest to fend off the bitter cold of loneliness. It’s super annoying.

Second, please stop leaving boxes of junk in the middle of the floor. How many times has your box of jealousy tripped me up? Or how about that backpack full of self-loathing? I mean, you’ve got a lot o’ baggage, and I really resent having it shoved in my path.

Let’s also talk about your music. I wish you’d play something other than those same tired songs about shame and guilt. You’ve had them on repeat for years! Admittedly, they’ve got a hook that lodges itself in my brain–I know every line by heart and could probably mumble them in my sleep. But, c’mon. Play something a little less angst-y once in a while.

And have you ever heard of boundaries? I don’t know why you think it’s fine to sneak into my bedroom when I’m with my husband. Honestly! Who can enjoy fun times with their spouse when it’s obvious you’re in the room. You’re the most intrusive third wheel in the history of third wheels.

I’ve also had it with your friends showing up uninvited. Well, really, it’s just the one friend. I don’t know why you call her Aunt Flow when everyone knows you guys aren’t related. And she’s so unreliable. Sometimes she’s on time. Sometimes she’s late. I wish she’d just take a hike for nine long months.

baby showerCan I just say how much I hate it when you tag along with me to parties, showers, and holiday gatherings? It’s so embarrassing when you show up at a baby shower and start whispering awful things in my ear. Then, I have to act like you’re not there when everyone totally knows you’re there. AWKWARD. Plus, we all know how much you can’t stand the adorable onesies and those faux cakes made out of rolled up diapers. Really, you shouldn’t come. Like at all.

Look, I know people think you’ll change (or just leave) if I stop stressing about all the madness you’ve brought with you. Like my lack of stress will make you vacate the premise (taking Aunt Flow along with you). But you and I both know that’s not going to happen. You’re not really the sort who’ll just leave if we all ignore you.

Okay. Here’s the truth. Even if you do leave and I get a new roommate, an adorable new roomie who has my nose and my husband’s eyes, you’ve left your fingerprints all over the place. It’s not like I can remove every trace of you. You’ve banged up the floorboards and chipped away the paint. So, we just need to make peace. You aren’t going to change, but I can change the way I react to you and your inconsiderate ways. I’m going to focus on taking better care of myself rather than letting you frustrate me so often. It’s what I’ve got to do until I can figure out a way to evict you for good and get that new roommate moved in.

With hope for better times ahead,
Tegan
P.S. You really do make me nuts. Maybe someday I’ll write a book about it. Believe me, I’ve got enough material.

Baby shower image via Flickr by Emily Stanchfield

Author Kate McIntyre Talks Fantasy, Grief in Fiction, and Sequels

The-Deathsniffer's-AssistantI don’t remember exactly where I first met Kate McIntyre, whether it was in our publisher’s Facebook group or through Twitter, but I do remember being impressed with her and the synopsis for THE DEATHSNIFFER’S ASSISTANT from day one.

It’s an imaginative fantasy set in Edwardian England with a frighteningly unnerving murder mystery at its ooey gooey center. There are also flourishes of magic. And did I mention the flying carriages? Oh, my. There’s so much to love about this novel!

Many of you know that I go to the gym to read. Sure, my legs are churning away on the elliptical, but it’s really my mind that’s getting the workout as I devour wonderful works of fiction. Well, I was heading to the gym A LOT when I was reading Kate’s book because I Just HAD to know what happened next. I give this highly addictive read five out of five wrens. (Want to buy it? Get it here on Amazon!)five wrens1

I’m delighted to be hosting Kate on my blog today because reading her responses to my questions is like slipping into the back of a writers’ master class. I learned so much from interviewing her, and I’m really excited to share the conversation with you. She talks about exploring grief in her novel, world building, and character development.  I know you’ll enjoy hearing from this writer whom I so admire. (Incidentally, Kate interviewed me on her blog, and asked some questions about INCONCEIVABLE! that I haven’t previously discussed on any other blog. So, check it out here!)

Tegan: Describe the process of creating your own version of Edwardian England. How did it all come together?

Kate: I started building my world with exactly two things in mind. I wanted it to be full of magic and wonder and everything to constantly be oozing enchantment. I also wanted it to be humdrum and workaday, with the characters living in the midst of all this fantastic city not really seeing it as they hurried off to work.

That idea, the fantastic melding with the mundane, is the backbone of my work. I think it’s relevant to us, because there’s so much wonder and excitement in our world but how often do we notice it? It’s too familiar to get worked up about and we’re too busy to really care.

In my desire to capture that feeling, I knew that the world had to be a lot more modern than a lot of fantasy, so I aimed for the feel of the period between 1903 and 1922. I didn’t actually know much at first so I did a lot of research to get a sense of the aesthetic and the feel of the era. The Edwardian period was when the modern really began melding with the historic, and it isn’t uncommon to see a fine lady in full skirts walking a few steps from a dirty factory girl in trousers in photographs taken at the time.

Of course, my book isn’t set in Edwardian England, but in Darrington City, Tarland. So it wasn’t as simple as just carrying things over. I loved the fictional nation of Toulene in Inconceivable! and really enjoyed how it was such a neat melding of its bordering nations. It really felt like something that you’d built from the ground up, and that’s how it was for Darrington, too. I had to think about what technology Tarlish folks had available thanks to their magic. At the same time, I thought about where they wouldn’t have innovated. So there are no cars yet, but there are flashbulb cameras! A fully operational telephone-like network, but no steam engines. Some readers don’t even notice things like that, but it all helps make the world feel real!Kate McIntyre2

Tegan: I loved the interactions between Olivia Faraday (the deathsniffer) and her assistant, Chris Buckley. They each have their own quirks and hang-ups. How did you go about developing these characters and where did you look for inspiration?

Kate: Olivia was the first character I came up with. Immediately after deciding I wanted to write a fantasy murder mystery, I had my detective: a pint-sized hellion with no concern for anything but the chase, as elegant and brilliant as she was mocking and heartless. Chris grew into the spaces around Olivia. Despite being the narrator of the book, he’s the one who was built to compliment her. I made him mannered to match her crudeness, empathetic for her insensitivity, and kind for her cruelty. He also ended up as kind of a cringing, snobby dope to contrast Olivia’s fearlessly unapologetic intelligence.

It’s always been a priority for me to write characters human first and likeable second. And humans are a mostly flawed bunch. Even my favourite humans have things about them I can’t stand! So I really wanted readers to see Olivia and Chris as real people. That’s why they can sometimes be small-minded, petty, or obtuse. It’s also why they bicker constantly.

But I know your secret, everybody! Most everyone secretly loves to watch frustrating people bickering. Why else would reality tv have gotten so huge? So I let myself have a lot of fun with the way the two of them go back and forth. Sometimes he’s in the right and sometimes she is. Their relationship can be deep and insightful one moment and then the next they’re picking at each other over incredibly dumb stuff. Olivia and Chris’s relationship is at the core of the whole series of books. It’s my favourite element to write, and it always makes me happy when someone enjoys it!

Tegan: Chris Buckley lost both of his parents in an accident, and understandably, it was life altering for him and his sister. You do an incredible job of using that event as a filter that colors Chris’ thoughts, actions, and reactions. Have you had any personal experiences that informed this aspect of the story? And I’m asking because I think it’s handled in a very authentic way.

Kate: My parents are still alive and well, but I’ve definitely experienced loss. Sometimes in minor ways, and sometimes in major ones. And I’ve absolutely used that loss to construct the heart of Chris’s character, which is the abscess loss leaves behind if not properly grieved.

The loss I drew on the most was losing my grandfather when I was barely eleven. He lived just one street away from me growing up, and I spent at least half my time with him. Like Chris, I was too young to know the right way to grieve, and like Chris, it just seemed easier to wrap it up and put it away. Anyone who’s lost someone precious to them knows how grief feels – like something is being ripped out of your chest and leaving a sucking hole behind. It’s the worst feeling in the whole world. And it’s a lot easier to shove it as hard as you can and tell yourself that you’re better and move on. You can go years without feeling a thing where that infected wound is, until something brushes against it and destroys you for days.

Grief is a major theme of The Faraday Files. It’s something that’s rarely written about in genre fiction because it’s the worst thing ever, and genre fiction is supposed to be for escapism. But just like Hatty and John’s struggles with infertility in Inconceivable! stands in defiance of traditional HEA romance tropes, I wanted to write something with more pathos than your average genre novel. So many fantasy protagonists are orphans, but how many really get down and unpack that? Chris isn’t looking for justice for his parents and he isn’t trying to do honour to their memory. He just misses them. Every day. Constantly.

Chris is a lot younger than I am, so he’s still struggling where I learned how to grieve right. I’ve slowly cleansed and bandaged the wound the loss of my grandfather left. Chris isn’t where I’m at yet, but I want to help him get there.

Tegan: Tell us about the sequel to The Deathsniffer’s Assistant and when we might be able to get our hands on it.

Kate: The sequel is called The Timeseer’s Gambit! It’s hopefully going to be out at the same time the first was in mid-July, and we’re hoping to keep an annual schedule for the four book series! Hopefully I can keep up the pace writing.

Where The Deathsniffer’s Assistant takes place in spring, the second book is set in the summertime. I had a tough time writing it because Darrington is in the middle of a crazy heat wave during the book and I wrote most of it this past winter, when the snow here in Atlantic Canada was so high we had to dig out way out of our houses. Every time I sat down to write and saw Chris or Olivia complaining about the heat, I wanted to let them have it. You guys are lucky! I have a blanket over my legs at friggin Starbucks, here!

Olivia has been assigned her first true serial killer. She’s excited and Chris is appalled, but it’s been three months since they started working together and they’ve established a rapport. Chris has grown some spine and Olivia has softened her razor sharp tongue thanks to being around each other so much. Their back and forth is as bicker-heavy as ever, but they tease each other more now and are starting to really care about one another.

In book two readers are going to learn a lot about categorization, the method by which Tarlish citizens unlock their magic gifts. They’ll also find out how Chris supposedly knows the mysterious timeseer, William Cartwright.

As one last tease, things are heating up a bit. Chris has two potential love interests and things take a definite turn away from just-friends with both of them. Of course, Chris is still awkward, easily flustered, and kind of a dope, so nothing goes especially well!

Tegan: Now that your novel has been published and has been in readers’ hands for a few months, what have you learned and how have those lessons changed the way you write now?

Kate: The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I’m not just some upstart pounding at a keyboard. I’m a writer! People have paid cash money for my book and effused over how much they liked it! I’ve signed books for grinning fans in other countries! I have tons of five star reviews and people making grabby hands for the next book!

And that all feels great. I’ve always believed that the most important parts of writing are confidence and momentum. I’m using my newfound confidence in my ability as a writer to build momentum. It only took five months to finish The Timeseer’s Gambit, almost unbelievable after the three years I spent on The Deathsniffer’s Assistant. The third book, The Heartreader’s Secret, will hopefully glide right onto the page, too! And after that… who knows. I’m only in my early thirties and have tons of books left in me. I want to keep sharing my stories with the world.

Kate McIntyreKate McIntyre was born and raised in the frigid white north, having spent her entire life in Moncton, New Brunswick. She learned to appreciate the quintessential Canadian things: endless winters, self-deprecating jokes, the untamed wilderness, and excessive politeness. Somehow it was the latter that she chose to write about. Kate loves crochet, video games, board games, reading, and listening to bad pop music very loudly.

One ebook. One day. One dollar. All the feels.

SALESorry to pause from our regular programming for a brief announcement.

It’s very rare for a brand new novel to go on sale so soon after release. It just happens my book’s release was close to Black Friday. So, here’s your chance to buy the ebook for $.99. Half the royalties still go to Baby Quest Foundation, which gives grants for fertility treatments to people all over the U.S. Today is an excellent time to buy the book for yourself and for someone you love. You can buy it as a gift today and send it now or later.

Prefer to have the paperback? Amazon is offering 30% off paperbacks with the code HOLIDAY30. Add this gorgeous cover to your collection and enjoy the beautiful love story inside its pages. (Want me to sign your book? Drop me a note and we’ll work it out. I’ll pay to have it shipped back to you if you live in the U.S.)

Forty-five out of 80 reviews of INCONCEIVABLE! on Goodreads give the book FIVE STARS. Eighty percent of the reviews are four and five stars. I love that my novel, which I wrote for very personal reasons, is resonating with readers!

As a refresher, here’s the synopsis of INCONCEIVABLE!

A popular, young royal couple can’t produce an heir? INCONCEIVABLE!

When Ozarks native Hatty goes “whole hog” during karaoke, she catches the eye of Prince John. He isn’t what she expects the heir to a small European nation to be: he’s affable, witty, and isn’t put off by her tell-it-like-it-is demeanor. Their flirtation should be short lived, but a force stronger than fate—Hatty’s newspaper editor—assigns her to cover the royals. After spending time together, she and John soon begin dating, and Hatty finds herself making headlines instead of writing them.

But challenges loom that are even more complicated than figuring out how to mesh Hatty’s journalism career with life at Belvoir Palace. Hatty and John soon find themselves embroiled in an unusual sex scandal: they can’t produce an heir. Tabloids dub Hatty a “Barren-ess,” and the royals become irate. Hatty politely tells them to shove it. But beneath her confident exterior, she struggles to cope with a heartbreak that invades her most intimate moments with John. Pressured to choose between invasive medical procedures and abandoning John’s claim to the throne, the couple feels trapped until a trip to Ethiopia shows them happy endings sometimes arrive long after saying “I do.”

Make it Count

I once interviewed a World War II veteran when I was working for a radio station in the Midwest. His brick house was tucked away on a cul de sac in a neighborhood of older homes. He showed me inside, and we stood in the front room. It was neat and plain with white walls and decades-old furniture that wasn’t worn. He introduced me to his wife and then invited me to sit on his front porch where we did the interview.

I held the mic and listened as he recalled with laughter and a few tears the days he spent as an American soldier in the Pacific Theater of the war. He recalled the pranks he and his buddies used to pull. Then, he told me how a can of meat saved his life. He and his unit came under particularly intense attack, and some guys didn’t make it. When he was clear and the fighting stopped, he dug into his backpack for food. He found the can of potted meat, misshapen from being pierced by a bullet, which was still lodged in the metal can. He laughed through tears as he marveled at how a can of food had saved his life.

At the end of our interview, I asked if he had any wisdom he’d learned from his war experience that he wanted to share. This is what he said: “You only pass this way once. Make it count.” On this Thanksgiving Day, let us all remember that it’s not about passively counting our blessings or the things for which we’re thankful. It’s about being the blessing for someone else. You won’t have this exact same day or experience or gathering of friends and family ever again. There are no do overs, and life is finite. Now go, and make it count.

7 Survival Tips for Infertile Couples at Thanksgiving

Who doesn’t love the opportunity to crowd into grandma’s house where there’s too little seating and too much prying into your personal life? Funsies! If you’re dealing with infertility, these family gathering may be stressful events that lead to uncomfortable conversations with friendly, well-meaning relatives. You may also find yourself sitting next to your Fertile Myrtle cousin or listening to a big announcement that your sister-in-law is pregnant. Here are seven tips for managing this holiday.

  1. Have a prepared response. Assume someone may say something to you about having children. With your spouse, decide ahead of time what your response will be. It can be something simple like, “Having children is something we’re thinking about.”
  2. Offer to help. If you’re busy setting the table, getting drinks ready, or pulling things out of the fridge, you’re less likely to get accosted by your aunt who wants to know when you’ll have a baby. It’s difficult for someone to corner you when you’re moving around and helping prepare for the meal.
  3. Don’t be afraid to change the subject. When you’re in a conversation that’s getting into territory related to pregnancy and you feel uncomfortable, you can always switch the topic. Try something like, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” And when you redirect the conversation, make sure you’re giving the other person a chance to talk about something positive in his or her life. It’s a great way to move past the subject of your efforts to get pregnant.
  4. Recruit a partner. If you’re fortunate enough to have a family member who is aware of and understands your struggles, ask that person to help you avoid sticky conversations with too-nosy relatives. They can steer the conversation clear of your ovaries.
  5. Ease up on your eating restrictions. When we were preparing for our fertility treatments, I did my best to improve my diet, cutting out most carbs, sweets, and processed foods. You can give yourself a reason to look forward to the family feast if you choose to ease up on the restrictions for this one meal. You don’t have to go crazy and eat three of everything, but you can allow yourself to indulge in Aunt Margaret’s biscuits or your mom’s pumpkin pie.walk
  6. Create an escape plan. If you begin to feel overwhelmed, know what options you have for escaping the situation. Maybe you can go for a walk. Perhaps you can start up a game of Uno with your cousins. Think of some ways you can engage in a mind-clearing activity that will help reduce your stress.
  7. Give yourself an opportunity to unwind. Be ready to reward yourself with something special as a post-Thanksgiving treat. Maybe you go home to binge watch your favorite show. Or you take a long soak in the tub. Plan to do something to reduce the stress after the family gathering.

What strategies have you used to handle Thanksgiving and other family gatherings?

Top image via Flickr by cardamom

Image of person walking via Flickr by j0sh (www.pixael.com)